


Whole New Life

by ButterflyGhost



Category: Homeland, due South
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:23:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One morning he woke up, and discovered that it had finally got the point where it hurt so much he couldn’t feel it anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whole New Life

_“Go get your man,” Ray told Benny, and then, he closed his eyes and pretended to fall asleep. Benny waited for a little longer, but he must have believed him, because everyone believed Ray when he lied. And it was easy to lie still and quiet, because he was so damn tired._

_After a while he felt a gentle touch on his forehead, almost like a kiss, though it might have been the brush of fingertips._

_Yeah, bye bye Benny._

 

~*~

 

Used to be, when he had that dream he’d sit bolt upright, sweating and it would throw him off for the day. But although time didn’t heal things (that was a crock) it did soften the blow. It was better than the Vegas dreams, though even they didn’t come as often as they used to.

 

The dreams which still woke him sometimes crying were family dreams – Frannie growing older, her babies growing up.

 

In those dreams Ma was still around, and she’d slap him lightly on the shoulder when he stared at her astonished. “What, you never seen your mother before? _Mangere,_ Raimondo. You’re still too thin.”

 

Ma hadn’t lasted long after the Feds put him in Witness Protection. He’d pleaded with them to at least let her know – No, they said. Too risky – better to let Ray burn, with his bowling alley in Florida. Let the Mob think they’d got him.

 

For a while there he had been tormented, wondering what his wife of six months must be going through, what his family – what Benny must be going through. Then one morning he woke up, and discovered that it had finally got the point where it hurt so much he couldn’t feel it anymore.

 

“You ready to work?” his handler said.

 

“Why, what you gonna do to me now?”

 

And really, it wasn’t that bad. It was black ops, but it was still just cop work, surveillance work – saving the world work. He never really felt like he was on the front line, and they never asked him to kill anyone again, so he could live with it.

 

Dawned on him, about five years in, that he’d been creating a fake family around him, with the other misfits the Feds and CIA dropped on his lap. Max turned up from some never to be discussed past – before long they were introducing each other as brothers, and meaning it, covering each other’s back. He’d somehow acquired a sister. He could have had a wife if he wanted one – somehow he started calling a nice old Italian lady ‘Ma’ and only feeling a little bit like scum.

 

Life was – tolerable.

 

Then there was Carrie.

 

She reminded him, in a lot of ways, of Benny. She was married to justice, crazy as all hell, and utterly determined that she was right. She'd fix you with her blue eyes and just ooze sincerity at you till you caved. Like Benny she took it for granted that people would follow along with her insane schemes – unlike Benny there was no charm or grace about it. When he fell in with Benny’s schemes he’d felt like some of that hero shine was rubbing off on him. When he fell in with Carrie’s schemes, he felt dirtied.

 

 _Bug some guy’s house so she can spy on him. Get in and out of there and don’t leave a trace. 'Oh, can I borrow your surveillance van?' ' Could you provide a distraction?'_ Yeah, that’s me, Virgil. A big distraction. _…_

 

He couldn’t remember who said it, but someone once said life was a series of distractions till you die.

 

“Hey,” he heard himself yelling, as he went to provide the distraction she’d never thank him for. He waved his arms to make himself a bigger target. “Any of you guys Benton? Is there a Benton here?”

 

He was only half joking. The CIA guys were turning their attention to him, and Carrie was off doing her heroics. “Benton?”

 

Nearly twenty years after they first met, and Virgil is still Ray, wishing that Benny would appear out of nowhere to save him.


End file.
